


the thoughts inside my mind

by heavenlycreatre



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Heartache, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:14:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlycreatre/pseuds/heavenlycreatre
Summary: I had some feelings after the 250th episode and I thought I'd share the pain...





	1. dark & empty

dark & empty

He sits in the dark and empty bunker  
Cold seeps into his bones  
He cannot bring himself to go back out   
   into the world  
The sun  
   too bright  
Humanity  
   too loud  
Hunting by himself  
   another moment of failure

Self realization  
   Self loathing  
      Self  
Part of the heavenly host for so long  
Never alone

Soldier  
   Warrior  
      Expendable

One mission changed everything  
One soul shined brighter  
One man changed him

His perception of the world cracked  
He rebelled  
   against his family  
   against everything he had ever known  
Everything for one man

Failure  
   Fuck-up  
      Fractured  
His chest is so tight  
Dying was less painful

He finds himself looking into a room  
"It remembers me"  
He crawls onto the bed  
Pulls the pillow into his arms  
He's drowning

The pillow smells like home  
   like family  
He closes his eyes and breathes in   
Sorrow replaces the cold in his bones

Green eyes  
   Freckles   
      Dean  
Tears run down his face

His phone is ringing  
He puts the pillow back  
He smooths out the blanket   
The phone keeps ringing

"What?"  
   "Cas!"  
"Dean?"


	2. He Knows

He Knows

His heart pounds  
   One last fight  
      One last victory  
His final sacrifice

Fatigue  
   weighs down his shoulders  
Ignore the pain  
   Stand tall

He wasn't sure there was enough time  
   Six hours to midnight  
To hold him  
   One last time  
      To say goodbye

They are both there  
   Cas  
   Mom  
Sam engulfs them in his embrace

He swallows down the heartache  
It's just a hug  
   Holds tight  
      Averts his eyes

He sits in the backseat  
He doesn't have to be the driver  
   He can let go  
The warmth of a body  
   Pressed against him  
      Grounding him

The radio flickers  
The car stalls  
“It's time.”  
Blue eyes widen  
   Wounded  
      Panicked  
Cas knows

Understanding will come  
   someday  
Forgiveness will come  
   eventually  
  
She's come to collect  
Not like this  
   No  
Blinding light  
   Angel blade

Cas just looks  
   At him  
      Into him  
“You mean too much to me.”


End file.
